THINGS I'LL MISS ABOUT KOREA WHEN I LEAVE-PART 1

1) Taxis

Taking a taxi is usually a sedate affair. But not in Korea. Maybe because taxis are so cheap here, drivers run the gauntlet to try and maximize their day. To many of them, road rules are mere suggestions; stop signs are to be ignored, red lights approached with a blast of the horn, a slight decrease in speed before the car rushes through leaving you in the back hoping that you will somehow survive this rollercoaster of a ride. If you dare go to put on your seatbelt, the driver will treat it as a personal affront, as if you should 110% trust in their crazy driving. Such is the way of many Korean taxi drivers. My most dangerous taxi experience was one returning from Busan after a day diving with sharks in the aquarium down there. From the car’s exterior, nothing suggested that this driver was part of a racing team, the car wasn’t a Ferrari or painted racing red or complete with fiery streaks. But I made a fatal mistake. Exuberant from our diving, I asked the driver in Korean (Balli, Balli) to hurry. My mistake was that I didn’t know how to say go slow in Korean. And Korean taxi drivers do not need a second invitation to go fast. Because it’s true; Korean taxi drivers are all demented in some way and this one was a certified, escaped from the loony bin, crazy. He must have considered himself the reincarnation of a 1950s Formula One driver. We watched as the speedometer approached 200 kilometers per hour, watching the blood flow to our knuckles. He laughed at Mary, indicating that she had relieved herself in the front seat. He didn’t respond to our groans, our Ooh ahhs. Instead, he just called himself Schumacher and chuckled to himself. Close misses seemed to be missed by him. But they were all too apparent to us. But the speed he was driving meant our short trip was cut dramatically in time. So just as our moods were turning from a feeling of fear to one that knew and accepted that we were shortly going to die and that we were good with that, the trip come to an abrupt end. On a day that started with shark diving, who knew the real adventure sport would be the taxi ride home. And the first chance I got, I learnt how to say go slow in Korean. 

2) Drinking while on the drip

Hospitals are easy to find in Korea. All you need to do is walk around until you can find a building where men, pajama clad, often with an IV drip in their arm, sit outside with a can of beer or soju in one hand and a cigarette in the other. This type of relaxation would not be tolerated by medical professionals in the West, but in Korea, men can enjoy an alcoholic beverage or a cigarette while waiting for their diagnosis to come in.

Want some soju with your IV??

3) Drinking on the streets

Drinking in public is tolerated at hospitals and encouraged elsewhere. Many a night (and many have been good nights) has been idly spent, enjoying a couple of bevies outside a Family Mart or other such convenience store. In the summer time, the shops even put out plastic chairs for your recreational drinking convenience. A group of foreigners sitting outside drinking produces an array of emotions, embarrassed giggling or rushing with your head down to avoid eye contact are two of the common responses. Occasionally, an older man will approach for conversation and shared frivolities. When the stars align to allow that most magic of events to occur, the night is golden, a guaranteed success (unless they get creepy and a little rapey eyed looking at which point it’s best to cut your losses).

OK, this is in Japan but the deal is the same in Korea.

4) Supermarket visits

One of the things that I will miss about Korea is that even the mundane can still be exciting. Take a simple trip to the supermarket. People welcome you as you pull in in your car, then direct you to vacant parks. When you reach the supermarket proper, you are greeted at the door by a gentleman in a suit who bows in welcome. If you time it right, you might get there for the staff aerobics, where the supermarket employees leave their station to take part in a mass games like dance session. While you walk around the supermarket, older women will stare into your trolley (yes, foreigners are real and we do eat), trying to see what we eat (pretty much the same as them without the weird shit). These same staring women will walk around the supermarket, while American hip-hop blasts out of the speakers complete with misogynistic and misanthropic expletives that the largely female shoppers thankfully don’t seem to comprehend. Young girls in short skirts and knee high boots with free giveaways compete for your attention, the butchers shouting with each one trying to drown out the others to get you to try their samples. The fish section has tanks stocked with foreign-looking fish, crabs, octopus and shellfish. There was a large herbal area, selling ginseng and a hundred other unknown herbs and natural goodies. Of course, there was a kimchi section selling 150 types of the ‘chi, pickled and diced just right to smooth your appetite.

Noraebang lends itself to ridiculous air guitar and over-zealous singing.

5) Noraebang/screen golf

Often, nights end (and sometimes start) at the singing rooms called noraebang. With the right set of people, calls for noraebang would start at dinner or at the first bar, gradually rising to an incessant crescendo that influenced all and could be ignored by none. Noraebangs are a personal karaoke room, which a group of people can hire for as little as 10,000 won. Noraebang can be found everywhere, indulged in by youngsters, drunken businessmen and families alike. Beer could be bought there, or more commonly smuggled (yes, I know tight arses). Sometimes the rooms have a bed (that could double as a cheap motel for Korean couples), sometimes costumes. It could have flashy stage lights, disco balls or plush leather chairs. You could choose from a good selection of songs in either Korean or English. People quickly made their names with sound song selections and outstanding performances. I’ve seen people passed out in a corner, pissed (on one occasion literally) but still being able to wake up and crank out a memorable rendition of “Gay Bar”, “She works hard for her money” or “Crying”.

Check posture; alright.

Lately, screen golf has overtaken noraebang as a nocturnal pursuit. It’s based on a similar format to noraebang, a small room where people can gather to drink and hang out. For those who don’t know what screen golf is, it’s a room with a large projector screen which golf balls are hit into. A computer has sensors that reads the direction of the ball, it’s speed, the speed of the club head etc. For a country which loves golf but where golf is expensive and even the cost of using the driving range can be prohibitive, screen golf really is a godsend. It’s pretty realistic, even too the point where drinking affects your game on what seems to be a bell curve (improves and then rapidly declines your game when a certain alcohol value has been reached).