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Monday 14 February 2011

BATH HOUSES-A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE

I described the male perspective before. But the female point of view is just as strange in its own way. Of course, I can’t tell that firsthand. So I’ll allow my friend, Melanie to tell that side of the bathhouse story in an email she wrote after going to the bathhouse for the first time with Mary. Here it is.
~PARENTAL GUIDANCE ADVISED.  This story contains nudity and graphic detail.  But it is kind of funny, if you can get past all that!- Hey All!

One of our Korean friends mentioned to us…”You haven’t been to Korea if you haven’t been to a Bathhouse!”  These Bathhouses, or saunas, are all over Korea.  When I inquired what a bathhouse was, I was told that it usually had a pool or two of mineral water, and a sauna, and the better ones had a spa treatment area.Cha-ching!  This sounds like Moose Jaw!  I’m in!! And it is cultural - how much better can you get?
Mary, my Kiwi friend (here with her husband Keith - they are from the Southern part of the South island of New Zealand - it took me a while before I could understand a thing they were saying), said she’d take me. She had gone before with another teacher, and she thought I’d like it.When I asked what I’d need to take with me, Mary replied that they would provide what you need.  I’m thinking bathing suit, cover up, towel - Oh no,she says - they give you a towel.  I should have picked up on this subtle clue. So we pay our 6000 won (roughly $6 US) and head in.  Women are on the 3rd floor, men on the 5th, and a mixed, clothed relaxation room is on the fourth. We went to the 3rd!When we got off the elevator, it opened into a big change room.  It was very posh - a little snack and juice bar, a big screen TV, a lounge area. And then, like a pie in the face, it hits you - naked!  Naked!  NAKED!  Everyone is naked.  The lady doing her hair - Naked (not even any underwear for modesty?  NO!  Naked!)  The ladies sitting on the couches in conversation?  Naked!  The chick watching the terrible Korean soap opera on the big screen?  NAKED!  (And by the way, not sitting very lady like, either!) I shoot Mary a NASTY look.  She laughs!  I shoot her another nasty look. I contemplate my choices.  No bathing suit necessary, I guess!   Naked is the word of the day. So.  Mary and I, when in Rome, and all … get ready.  Or un-ready, as it were.
 The only two white folk there, I might add.  Do you think anyone noticed? Oh, did I mention that Mary is a natural redhead?!!  Right-o.  With a big dragonfly tattoo on her arse.  And I have this tan from Bali still - so it looks like I have a bathing suit on. It became apparent that we were the freaks at the party. Nevertheless, we headed into the pool area.  There were three circular pools, about 12 feet in diameter - naturally, as we were single minded in our determination to get out of the NAKED and into the water, we chose the closest pool.  It was not until after we plunged in the pool that we read the temperature to be 40.8 degrees Celcius.  Choice - Naked, or boiled todeath?  Naked won this round. We were careful about our next choice, but it seemed clear, so to speak.  The second pool was 39.5 degrees, but had clear water.  The third pool was 38 degrees, which certainly seemed reasonable, but the water was like a Pine sol neon green!  Pool number 2 won out - but only for a minute.  But now the choice was naked, boiled, or disinfected.  We chose disinfected this round. So although the water was questionable, at least we could stay submerged in the pool to our necks for some time and get a chance to look around.  It was quite a lovely place, with a beautiful stone mosaic on the walls but once again I’ll remind you - everyone was naked! 
 There were three pools, and also three saunas.  (One read the temperature to be 82 degrees Celcius - that cannot be healthy, naked or clothed.)  At the other end, there were 56 little sit down shower stalls (I counted so as to avoid looking at all the Naked around!)  In the middle there was this elevated area by the pools where women appeared to be sleeping naked - like lizards - under these red heat lamps.  It kind of looked like they were orders at acafe counter ready to be taken away by some giant waiter! “Can I get a naked 75 year old Korean at table 4, please?” “Certainly - we have two choices available - naked medium sized, or naked large.” Then at one corner of the room, there was an area with 4 massage-like tables.  I asked Mary about this and before I knew it, she had handed our locker keys to one lady - who appeared to be an employee of the bathhouse. I could tell this because she was wearing the bathhouse uniform - black panties.  She and her colleague were the only non-naked ones in the place,and they only barely qualified. Mary said that they would be giving us a scrub.  Mary went first, and I contemplated my options.  I could take off, but unfortunately, Black Panties now had my key.  Maybe she wouldn’t find me.  Right - because I blend in with the rest of the clientele. Before I had formulated my escape plan, Black Panties came over and called me out of the pool.  Naked wins again!  She indicated that I hop onto the rubber coated massage table, and then proceeded to pour a pail of water over me!  Mary was at the next table, laughing.  Mary is a bitch. Then, Black Panties proceeded to attach a couple of scrub pads to her hands. And then proceeded to scrub!  And scrub!  And scrub!  Like she was getting melted cheese off a frying pan.  Like she was digging out burned casserole from the corners of a dish!  And let me tell you, she got into the corners.  I have never been scrubbed in some of those corners.  In fact, I have had relationships less physical.  Black panties got to 3rd base on our first date! She scrubbed for 35 minutes.  She scrubbed my back, my front (oh, yes, the girls got scrubbed too), she scrubbed my sides, and then got back into the corners. My Bali tan is now completely gone.  So are all my inhibitions about NAKED.  But my skin is exfoliated like NEVER before.  I think we’re going back next week!
 Only in Korea.
Love, Melanie

Mary and Melanie did indeed attend the week after and several times after that. Mary had her own unfortunate experiences to describe in a story involving Black Panties and BPs friend. She was getting a scrub when BPs naked friend came over for a chat. BPs friend was of course naked but unusually given the location, also had in her hand, a banana. Anyway, her presence seemed to disturb Mary. Like a dog sensing fear, BPs friend then proceeded to disturb Mary more. Like a shark tearing at the dignity of normal civility, the banana found itself no longer being held but mashed around an entirely different orifice altogether, not one generally used for the eating of bananas. If she wished to disturb the delicate psyche of a feeble foreigner, she succeeded. Mary was left embarrassed. But BP’s friend didn’t believe in taking cultural prisoners. She believed in sudden immersion, possibly causing death. There was a male version of the scrub although I never got the satisfaction of a scrotal scrub. It was recommended to me by a friend as the perfect way to start a big night out. Whenever, I asked the pool attendants claimed ignorance. And for some reason, I asked repeatedly. Why? In the name of culture? Maybe. To get the perfect smooth skin that Mary would come home with? More likely. But, mostly out of curiosity. It’s kind of like when I get a massage in South East Asia, I always wanted the masseur to ask if I wanted a happy ending. Not because I wanted to take them up on their offer (I wouldn’t) but because it would be a story to tell. Everything considered, it was probably for the best that the scrubber could never be roused whenever I asked. Maybe he would have offered a happy ending!!

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